I want to bake.

I really do.

Baking is a very good way for me to deal with stress.

But you see, if I bake, I eat. And I'm trying to be good about that. No cookies or cakes or such. And certainly not flapjack. But you know pineapple and pears and raspberries and strawberries just don't cut it right now.

I watched a slightly sappy, but rather lovely film. 500 days of summer. I have been wanting to watch this since it was showing in cinemas. My mum bought the dvd months ago. Finally tonight I got to watch it. Its really quite good. It isn't a love story. But it is quite nice all the same.

Yesterday I watched Happy Gilmore and Big Daddy, because Adam Sandler is AWESOME. Never fails to cheer me up. Not that I'm down. Just a bit stressed.

My exhibition is next week, and I have finished the work, but now I'm starting to doubt the work, and I'm thinking of acquiring frames for some of the darker stuff. But that stuff is all irregular shapes. Why couldn't I conform to regular sizes? Damn my emotional outbursts in ink. But really I do like my recent attempts, I just, I just feel they are a bit rubbish. I think its just nerves. And stress. But still, more frames I think, because better safe than sorry.

Oh gosh I must think of names for the triptych. Can't they all just be called the same darn thing? They could be called "emotional outburst landscape" I actually like that.

I'm having a barbecue next week (weather permitting). This might be my opportunity to bake, because then I don't necessarily have to eat the baked things, I can feed them to my friends. Yes, that is the solution. Bake cookies, and potentially lemon cake, and make other people eat them!

PS - I watched the entire of Season 1 of Supernatural in 4 days this week. It was a little bit too much of an extremely attractive men fighting evil overload, but in a good way. I need Season 2 now. I've seen it once before, but with men that attractive, it is always best to watch it again.

Also, I read some more Buffy comics, more on that later.

I'd forgotten

Just how very much I love this song. And all the things that are associated with this song.

What song is this, I hear you ask, well its "That Kind of Love" by Alison Krauss. It is playing at the end of the Season 6 episode of Buffy, the 18th I think, called "Entropy". The one where Spike and Anya get drunk and have sex and everyone sees via a secret camera that the trio has planted in the Magic Box, and it makes everyone sad, or sadder than they were (because some of them started off feeling sad, hence the drinking and the sex).

This episode, and those following it, are awesome examples of Buffy. They are some of my favourites in fact. Especially "Grave", the finale. I love that the big bad for this Season is Willow. We spend the year thinking its the Trio (Andrew, Warren & Jonathon), but its not. This group of episodes has some quality Buffy, some good fights, some emotional stuff, and the best Xander speech ever. I could watch them over and over (which, of course, I have).

It also has some quality music. Including this song, (and "Prayer of Saint Francis" by Sarah McLachlan that just finishes the series perfectly) that I love, but I had forgotten I loved. Its like how I forgot that I loved sweetcorn. And embroidery. I mean they're all completely different, but still, I had forgotten how much I enjoyed them, and I rediscovered them recently.

Embroidery makes my fingers hurt, but it makes pretty things. Pretty things that take weeks to create, but the end is so worth the means. I put all the embroideries in frames today, it makes me feel special. That I get to show these things, these pictures, captures of my emotional mental state, to the world (or at least a small portion of it).

Now back to my original topic. This wonderful song, this beautiful song.

There are few truly beautiful songs around (in my opinion anyway). Another is "Everything" by Lifehouse. Oh and "Storm" by them too. Lifehouse are good that way (in fact Lifehouse are generally awesomely wonderful, they are maybe my favourite, if I had a favourite). I also like "Full of Grace" by Sarah McLachlan, but that's probably got something to do with its Buffy link. It plays out the second series, "Becoming Part 2" when Buffy kills Angel and sends him to hell, then runs away. That's another example of some good Buffy. I fear that all these lovely songs may be sad songs. Although Everything is a love song really, in a good way I think, so that's ok. There is hope yet.

I really shouldn't watch these particular episodes of Buffy. I end up all contemplative, and random. But they are wonderful, don't let my contemplation put you off. Others may not end up like me. I have watched them too much, and am too much of a Buffy Geek (meaning sometimes I forget that the characters and the world, and the vampires and the stuff isn't really real).

So dear world, please listen to this pretty song (That Kind of Love, by Alison Krauss), and please watch more Buffy (watch it all, the good and the bad, because it's worth it). I shall leave you with this quote, that makes me want to cry whenever I watch it, because it is beautiful, and everyone should have a Xander, oh if only he were real. So, "crayon breaky, scary veiny.....

"It doesn't matter, I'll still love you."

You knew it had to happen sometime.

I went to see eclipse last night. It was awful.

There are no words for how ridiculous it was. How can a film/franchise get so far away from its starting point? These books that I read in a 72 hour period in New York oh so many years ago (well like 3), that I refused to get on a plane without owning all 3 (I'm not mentioning number 4), and reading all 3 of, what happened?

Those of you out there in the world that have read the books, that have enjoyed the books, that have been moved by this tension and romance filled love triangle, that have wanted to read them over and over, and are truly on a team Edward or team Jacob, the true Edward and Jacob that is. Do you agree with me?

These last 2 films have just plain made me angry. Gratuitous shirt removal, chops and changes to the plot and the fundamental facts, and the eventual creation of this farce they now call the Twilight Saga. (I must point out that the atmosphere and visuals of the first film endeared me towards it more, it had that feeling that the book has, so I shall forgive some changes and less than amazing casting)

I have only ever walked out of a film at the cinema once. I came very close last night.

So this blog is a plea, dear world, read the books, read these books, read other vampire books. But don't do it because you fancy Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner (because you don't have a hope in hell with them, or any vampire or werewolf because like these mythical hollywood types, they aren't real), don't do it because you like the films, or that TV show. Do it because they are good, sometimes scary and sometimes heartbreaking, always interesting, and because books are magical things that can take you to another world, a world where imagination rules, anything can happen, and vampires and werewolves can be real for a time.

PS - if you must watch anything vampire related, watch Buffy, its awesome (and there are much more attractive vampires and werewolves).

To-do lists are pure evil.

I just made a to-do list of things to do this week. Its much too long. And includes alot of vague things like "plan stuff". The thing is, that this week is supposed to be a quiet week, a week off if you will.

But oh no, there is no such thing.

I started to tackle my to-do list a a little while ago, but I didn't get far. I started typing up some financial stuff, but I got bored, and it required me to go find receipts and invoices and stuff, but I just can not be bothered. Then I started to write addresses on envelopes for posting, but there couldn't possibly be anything more dull, and my eyes are hayfever watering, which makes seeing properly difficult. So today shall be my day off, and tomorrow I shall stress out about my to-do list.

In other news, my current Dawson's Creek obsession has reached new heights. Yesterday I think I watched about 8 episodes of the lovely season 3, the Joey and Pacey fall in love season, ending of course in the wonderful episode, entitled "True Love". Yet again I find myself wondering, why can't there be more Pacey's in the world? In fact, why can't Pacey just be real dammit. If I didn't get so seasick I would insist upon someone sailing me away for a while. Oh well, back to reality I suppose. Now I am watching Season 4, where the downfall of Joey and Pacey happens. I hope you don't confuse all this Pacey rambling as me saying I wish to be Joey Potter, I most emphatically do not. She is much to annoying, and really rather stupid. Plus you know she has this whole thing where she is in love with Dawson, and I mean really, why would you be in love with him? He has ridiculous hair.

A good friend of mine has suggested I read the Buffy Season 8 comics, or graphic novels, whatever you like to call them. I think I may have to, because I am a major Buffy geek, and I have some quiet time, and no new books to read. (I would very much like to read the new Sherrilyn Kenyon teenage effort, about the younger years of Nick Gautier, but my attempts to purchase it have been foiled by the crappy stock of my local bookshops) This makes it sound as if I do not actually want to read them, I promise you I do, but see Buffy is so terribly important to me, in that my favourite TV show, that kept me sane as a teenager, throughout that scary time that is Secondary school, that I worry that the comics may not live up to the wonderfullness of the original show. I shall have to get over my fears, which are almost definitely unfounded. My friend assures me they are good, and that once I have read them we will have whole new Buffy scenarios to discuss. So I shall read them and report back.

Today I have eaten 2 pears and an apple, in an attempt to not bake cookies, and then proceed to eat them all, which is what I would really like to do. Being on a diet is hard when you are bored/stressed. So I shall go find another apple, and drink some more Diet Coke (which I am now addicted to), and watch Dawson's Creek, and try to not to succumb to my cookie cravings.

PS - I now have "Songs from Dawson's Creek, Vol.1" on repeat in both my car and on my computer, its not as good as I remembered, but still rather good.

Also, I went to see Newton Faulkner live on Friday, he was really quite awesome, I recommend anyone who has the opportunity to see him live do so, it will be worth it. (Just remember to wear comfortable shoes)

TTFN

Walking Makes Your Feet Hurt.

Oh Dawson's Creek, how I love you! The inevitable has happened, I have watched the final episode yet again. And of course, here I sit, teary eyed, wondering why can't all men be like Pacey? And of course I am very sad about Jen. I really enjoy the music on Dawson's Creek, its quite perfect. I wish I hadn't lost my copy of the first Dawson's Creek soundtrack, maybe I shall ask itunes if they have it.

This week I had a nice conversation with a man in Forbidden Planet about silly American and separate English versions of books. It makes my life terribly complicated. Plus they are re-releasing alot of my favourites with new covers now that Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy are the new cool thing, oh I'm sorry, they call it "Dark Fantasy" now, what a load of rubbish. The old names were perfectly fine. I mean really, do we need to fill our shops with it, do vampires have to be so cool? I liked them much better when they weren't. And it hasn't made getting the books I want any easier. In fact its worse, because the bookshops are so full of the teeny vampire stuff (which I admit, I do read, but its not the best) that there is no room for the good stuff! (I use the term good stuff loosely, it is in my opinion good stuff, but some people may disagree) The only shiny wonderful thing is that maybe I shall be able to get the new Rachel Vincent, Alpha, more easily when it comes out. I am desperate to read that book. I got off track there, my initial complaint is that now they are re-releasing things with new covers I wont have a matching set of most of my favourite books. And I have to have a horrible Trublood cover for my Sookie Stackhouse, which is entirely unnecessary. I am reading a book, not watching TV, I dont need to see real people, thankyou very much.

Ok, mini rant over.

And so shall begin another. They have put in new self service tills in my Sainsburys, and taken away some regular ones. This infuriates me. It doesn't use less staff, as they are constantly having to fix the damn things. They get confused when you use your own bags. They take longer in the end. I would like my regular tills back please.

In other news, the busiest week is almost over. So from tomorrow I shall become a hermit. Mostly because I am running low on petrol, and I cant afford or be bothered to buy more right now. But also because I need to spend some quality time with my books, and my tv, and my Dawsons Creek, and potentially Buffy. I may attempt to create more things, but I think I need to concentrate on the embroidering, as my exhibition is not too far away now. Thankfully this coincides with my need to watch Dawson's Creek, as I couldn't possibly not watch something whilst sewing.

I suppose I should also plan stuff, and make records, and sort out some budgets and stuff. But really when I could be watching Dawsons Creek and embroidering, why would I want to do anything else?

PS - I went to see this new Temenos thing today, the huge public art thingy in Middlesbrough. It was quite nice, although I had to walk a long way to see it.

I need a hair cut.

I'm so sorry it has been such a long time since I blogged. Life has been busy. Veeeery busy.

Which has lead to me being very, very tired.

A few weeks ago I moved all of my creative things into my new studio, which used to be known as the garden shed. I like it out there, its nice and cosy, and everything is within reach.

I have been creating again. Lots of nice, and time consuming, map drawings, in ink, and collage, and sticky back plastic (which is the most lovely invention ever). Its nice being creative, and not having to worry that I HAVE to create. I could just not, but I actually want to right now. I mean yes, in theory I do kind of have to, because there is an exhibition in August, and one next year, but I don't have to create loads, and I'm not being graded, or marked, or judged. Its all about what I want to do. So I'm making pretty brightly coloured strange drawings. That probably only me will like, but hey, whatever.

I've also been doing more workshops, which are exciting, a little stressful sometimes, but its all experience and learning, and from the stress there will be better, less stressful times (in theory).

I feel like I'm all over the place with all the things that I do, but truthfully if I was doing the same thing everyday I think I would get bored.

The most wonderful thing I have been doing lately is watching Dawsons Creek again. Oh how I love that show!! Pacey is my hero.

Its just so filled with drama, and silly, and lovely at the same time. I'm watching series 6 right now, which will lead to the inevitable viewing of "All Good Things...Must Come to an End", which is an awesome specimen of a show finale. I think I have seen it at least 20 times, and everytime I still feel sad at the sad parts, and get tingles at the happy endings (for some people anyway). The rest of that series does annoy me a little. I mean Pacey is like a stock selling person, with a disastrous hair cut, and a stupid little beardy goatee type thing. And Audrey's drinking. And Joey with Eddie, I mean really, he was just annoying. The redeeming thing is the lovely Jensen Ackles as Jen's boyfriend, and a little happiness for Jack, at least for a while. I just watched "Castaways", which is a lovely episode. Pacey and Joey trapped in a Kmart store overnight, dealing with their past, how they are still in love, etc, and Pacey's beard is finally removed!! I love Pacey. He is wonderful. Maybe I will watch the third (I'm not sure of this) series, the one where Pacey and Joey fall in love, and the bestest Pacey series. I would definitely run away in a boat with him, or sail away rather.

I haven't actually read a book in quite a while, unless you count re-reading the happy endings of my favourites at times when I feel particularly sad, or tired. I feel this needs to remedied. I shall visit Forbidden Planet during my upcoming trip to Newcastle, and see if they have anything I might like!

I did consider the other day purchasing Jim Butcher audio books. James Marsters (aka Blondie Bear, aka Spike) reads them in the American version of his voice, and from the snippets I can preview I do believe he does a good job! I'm excited for the Harry Dresden short story anthology later this year, although apparently we in the UK don't like Mr Butcher enough for them to give us a hardcover, so I may have to wait till next year. (of course I'm much too impatient of a person to do that, I shall get an American copy).

Right then, that is enough blog for now. I will try and remember to do this more often, it was quite nice.

PS I knitted a rabbit yesterday. Knitting is quite therapeutic.